Reflections on Ayahuasca, Two Years Later..

CURRENT DAY

When I speak to elders and they always tell me to take advantage of my time while I’m still young, I used to just smile and nod, pretending I understood their wisdom, but now, I ACTUALLY get it! It’s already been two years and three months since I’ve been back from my Ayahuasca journey in Peru. Time has flown by in a blink of an eye. I can still hear the sounds of the jungle chirping and buzzing in my ears. I can still feel the stickiness of my skin under the hot and humid sun. The jungles of Peru, aahhhh… such a beautiful place where the only thing I felt was LOVE.

When I got back home from Peru in 2015, I was high on life. Everything was beautiful and I was IN LOVE. Not only was I in love with life, but I was in love with MYSELF! I LOVED who I was, I ACCEPTED who I was, and I was FREE from any judgment. But as time went on, and I continued to live this “normal” life, I began to fall into a little depression. I started to live in this routine of day in and day out. It’s completely fine if you’re happy with this, but for me, I couldn’t bare the thought of it. It began to burn a black hole inside of me to know that nothing new or exciting would come my way. I know people always tell me, “Well you know, it’s always exciting at first but that eventually dies down, you get into a routine and that’s just it.” In my mind I’m thinking, “Wait what?? So you’re telling me that the excitement has to end at a certain point?? And that’s normal?? And you’re okay with that?? Sorry not sorry, but that sh*t ain’t happening to me!” Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe in TRUE love, the “kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds,” quoted from one of my favorite movies The Notebook. So, I knew that I had to make a change if I wanted to be HAPPY again.

It was really strange how it all happened. I was talking to my friend who is also my accountant and he was doing my taxes on that October 2017 evening. We had a moment to chat and he was like, “Hey Bui (calls me by my last name), so what’s going on with you lately? How’s everything? I thought you talked about this thing maybe two years ago about you quitting your job, traveling and just exploring the world. How’s that going?” I stopped and really let that question soak in. “Wait, you’re right! How IS that going?” And right then it hit me, “Why ISN’T it going????” Since that very moment, I turned a 180 and decided that I needed to follow through with my dreams. So, here I am! I JUST quit my dental hygiene job last week and now I’m going to focus all of my energy on teaching yoga, and sharing my love to the world. It’s really bizarre how it all turns out, it’s so unpredictable but this is why I love MY life. Because I have no idea what the hell is going to happen next!

So to update you guys on a few things that were discussed and seen during my Ayahuasca ceremonies, when I came home from Peru, I went to visit my sister as I said I would do from my first ceremony. I expressed my past feelings of resentment towards her since my adolescent age. I felt like she was the one who “broke up the family.” But after having the emotions that I felt in Peru, and realizing that she had her reasons for the things that she did, I knew that I needed to let go of the past. I was finally ready to forgive, have a different outlook, and mend our relationship. The healing didn’t happen overnight but over the course of the past two years, I no longer blame her for what happened. Compassion and forgiveness has taken over my heart and now all I want to do is help her heal as well. I’m proud to say that she is my editor for this new journey of mine and I’m so glad to have her by my side. LOVE YOU TINA!

As for the situation with my Mom, I came home from Peru and wanted to just briefly mention the idea of me traveling the world and teaching yoga. I just sprinkled it in while we were having a casual conversation. My mother is a very open-minded person, but she still has her traditional beliefs. At first she didn’t like the idea at all because I had a great career, I was doing really well for myself and making money. (My parents’ generation believes that money equals success, which I disagree with.) So I didn’t really fight it, I just wanted to plant some seeds for what may possibly happen in the future. Then recently about two months ago, I revisited the idea and told her that I was starting a blog but didn’t really give too many details and all of a sudden, SHE was the one who asked me when was I planning to just leave and travel the world. To you it might not be a big deal, but I know my Mom, in my eyes it was as if I finally got her approval to follow my dreams. She’s still not thoroughly excited with it all since I would be leaving a job of safety and security, and also because I know she doesn’t fully understand what I’m doing, but she will support me no matter what. That’s just how it is. So at least now I can truly let go and just do my thing because nothing is holding me back!

Is it scary? YES. But if you told me that I had the opportunity to live my life full of passion and live the life I have always dreamed of, would it be worth the risk?? Fck yea!!! So this is happening, and it’s been happening. It’s only been a few days since my last day of dental hygiene but already I’m feeling the new energy flow in with new opportunities. Just to let you guys in on a little secret, once you are able to let go of things that no longer serve you, you make space for new things that are actually MEANT for you to come in. Just try it, you’ll see…

FINAL THOUGHTS

I know it’s easy to get stuck in our daily lives, go through the motions and just be comfortable. But to have growth, there must be change. So it’s like we try something new, and we “fail.” We try something else, and we “fail” again. You do that enough times that one day, something you truly love will come along, and you will realize failing is no longer an option! It’s all in your mind, but what’s in your heart?

So here I am, completely FREE, moving forward from my past, teaching yoga, following my dreams, living my BEST life, and helping others like YOU, create theirs.

Find your WHY.

P.S. Please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and any advice you can give me. I appreciate it all! <3